Friday, November 26, 2010

My Thanksgiving List

Yes, I know I'm a smidgen late, but this week went by in a chaotic whirlwind of house cleaning, planning, cooking, Christmas shopping, and an-over-the-river-and-through-the-woods drive to visit Kittie and family.

Of course, it can almost go without saying that I'm thankful for my family, friends, neighbors, soldiers who keep us free, and Alabama football. These are the sources of my daily happiness. Without them....well, I don't even want to think about that.

But let's admit, there are many things we don't always remember to be thankful for. And, yes, I know I ended a sentence with a preposition. (Remember that outstanding line from Designing Women when the snobby socialite told Julia, "Don't you know you don't end a sentence with a preposition?" Julia's retort was beyond perfect and not really printable here.

So here (in no particular order) is my top five list of not so common things for which I am immensely thankful:

1. I don't have to shave my legs as often as I used to. When I was younger, leg shaving was a daily ritual. Then the need decreased to every other day. Now, the mid-50s have given me a three-day respite from the blade whose life has been extended, thereby saving me a little money. Thankful, thankful, thankful.

2. Snooze alarm. I never, never, ever jump out of bed to greet the day on the first unwanted jolt from the alarm clock. The snooze alarm feature not only allows me to wake up slowly, but it let's me kinda thumb my nose at the clock and say, "Hey, you! I'll get up when I'm good and ready. You can't make me do it! Give me seven more minutes." That feels so good.

3. Under eye concealer. Because I unequivocally trust Ellen Degeneres, I use Covergirl & Olay Simply Ageless #215. Without that tiny round container of flesh-colored magic, I would never be able to leave the house. Seriously. Ladies, have you ever thought you had leftover, smudged mascara on your under-eye area? So you grab a tissue, a little lotion or eye makeup remover, and clean the tender area only to find the tissue is clean and the smudge didn't go away? I have...several times. That's when I knew I had to depend on under eye concealer. Thankful? Yes. Everyday.

4. Hormone replacement therapy. Not having to shave my legs as often is no where near balanced by menopause. Those years (oh yes, years) have been the most miserable of my life. Hot flashes are from Satan. Or Eve. I'm certain it dates back to that foolish day with the apple and the snake. It is impossible to cool off from a hot flash. I have chugged ice water, stood in the open freezer door, turned the air conditioner to 50 degrees, and slept with the windows open in the winter. Nothing helped until my doctor prescribed  "the patch." Life became somewhat normal again. Of course, any chance of becoming a pole dancer immediately vanished, even thought the patch was clear and small. Still the audience conversation would go something like, "What's that on her tummy?" Someone would answer, "What? I don't see anything?" Another, "Yeah, right there. That little clear thing." But pole dancing was never a life mission for me, so I'm good with the patch.

5. Control top pantyhose. I haven't worn hose in maybe three years. I personally have a love / hate relationship with them. When I was experiencing #4 above, I decided pantyhose were also from Satan. Instead of bra burnings, we should have burned hose. That said, they are a true friend when those slacks are just a tad snug or you have a few little ripples of cellulite showing through that new slinky, black dress. I'm happy they're there when I need them and tucked away in the back of a drawer when I don't.

That's my list. Now, what are some of your less typical objects of thanks? I really need to know that I'm not the only quirky one out there.